I lay on my bed, sighing heavily as I debated my next move. My red hair splayed out beneath me, untied and free. Why did this have to happen to me...why was I cursed with such feelings? I am impure...I am nothing like my wonderful taichou. He is perfection. He is pure, with the grace of an angel. While I am the scum beneath his feet, only useful to serve and do his bidding. I don't think I'm worthy enough to do that.
My beloved taichou. I admire him more than I admire anything. I do everything he asks of me, and more, acting out of pure loyalty, hoping one day I will be accepted. That's all I wish of my wonderful taichou.
The next day I awoke, and swallowed my pride and knocked on his door.
“Yes? Who is it?” he said, as I heard a soft clink of china on a desk.
I swallowed and spoke softly. “Taichou, it is me.”
“Oh, fuku taichou, please, enter.” he replied, his voice soft and calming. I just wish I could be calm.
I opened the door, and closed it with a soft click.
He was drinking tea from an ornate china cup, emblazoned with the squad flower.
“Yes? What are you here for, fuku taichou?” he said smiling as he sipped from his cup.
I swallowed again and idly twirled my fingers as I sat. “A-Ahn, nothing much, a friendly visit is all.” I said, as I watched him gracefully move, every simple action was perfectly executed. Not a flaw in sight.
“Hmm? Oh, well in that case, would you like some tea? I know you don't drink it as much as I, but you seem a little troubled.” he said, as he offered me a cup, a replica of his own.
“I....I can't use this cup...”
“Nonsense, fuku taichou, drink.” he said, firmly but in his caring manner.
“Hai...” I whispered as I brought the delicate china cup to my lips. “...taichou, I uh.....I-I guess I'll just come out with it.” I said, as the other drank and nodded slightly.
“I...” a pause. “I think I'm in love with you, taichou.”
He blinked before a spray of tea headed in my direction, I dodged it and blushed brighter than my hair.
“Y-You what? Abarai-kun, y-you can't say such things!” he said, as he wiped his lips, and set his cup down with that soft clink.
I shook my head and looked away from my glorious taichou, why would he ever want me, I was imperfect, impure.
“...but I do...” I said, weakly, like all life had been stripped from my already worthless soul. “I do, to me taichou, you are perfection. You are an angel, with no flaws and no faults...” I was babbling.
He rose from his chair in a extraordinary manner, so graceful with such little effort.
“Fuku taichou, no, Renji-kun, I never knew you felt this way. As a superior I should not condone this kind of relationship but....” he stepped closer to me.
I knew what might happen, but I was prepared.
But not for this.
“...Renji-kun....you are more an angel than I. There is no need to strive for perfection, you have already surpassed it. Everything you are it is because of your relentless attitude to everything you do. You are everything I am not.” he said, as he smiled about 3 cm from my face.
Some people spend their lives waiting for heaven. I found mine.